The Change
by Haely Potter
Summary: How did Lily and James' relationship change? JamesLily, rated for Sirius' potty mouth


Disclaimer: I don't own the song nor the Harry Potter characters… *sniff*

I looked at the group of girls down the table, or more specifically you, you and your red hair I used to mock you about. The weird feelings I've been feeling since the first time I saw you are soaring in my chest again and when I see how some Ravenclaw boys flirt with you, the monster in my stomach roars in displeasure and jealousy.

Why would I be jealous of him? Because you weren't screaming at him to leave? Or because you smile at him? But why? I don't even like you, do I?

I mean, I've tormented you for the past seven years! I can't like you! Can I? Oh, if Sirius found out my thoughts he'd laugh himself silly (not that he already wasn't)!

"Prongs, you alright?" Moony asked me and brought me out f my thoughts. "You've been staring at Lily for the last half an hour."

Oh… that's right… Moony and you are friends… I'm not feeling jealous! No, I'm not, really! It's just some sort of odd… emotional… disorder! Yes! That's it! An emotional disorder! It'd explain my weird feelings too!

Okay… I've read a bit of muggle psychology and I know that explaining is a defence and completely natural in this kind of situations but I never thought I'd stoop so low! Is this what I really feel for you? But… I can't name most of these feelings either!

"Prongs… you're starting to scare Peter…" Sirius' voice floated to my consciousness.

So… I need to go through my emotions one at a time so that I'll have a clarity on what I feel… Let's start!

First is jealousy. What am I jealous for? I'm jealous because you never smile at me like you did to that other guy, I think… I'm also sad because of the same reason. I'm also feeling dread… I'm dreading what Sirius' reaction will be when he finds out, after all, he is my best mate… Next is… protectiveness? Why the hell am I feeling protective? There's no threat to my friends or you! Or maybe it's because I see some (cough*most*cough) Slytherins sneering at you? Yeah… probably…

"Prongs! You're scaring Padfoot too!"

Hmm? Oh… what ever… I need to sort my feelings out! I don't have time to control my expressions! Now… what else do I feel? Well… indifference towards most of the other students… loathing for Snivellus… respect for Dumbledore… grieving for my parents… pity for some others who also lost their parents… and then there's the brotherly love I feel for the other Marauders… and the large unrecognizable bulb of feelings I feel for you.

I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know

The post is finally here and Godric, my owl, landed in front of me with a letter from my aunt. I glanced at you and saw how a ministry owl carrying a black envelope landed in front of you. You took the letter with shaking hands. Your normally rosy cheeks had gone pale as a sheet and they paled further as you read the letter. Then your tears spilled and you ran from the Great Hall.

I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest and while it was still beating someone crushed it under their heel.

"James… now you're scaring even me!"

I think my mother once told me that every time you see your most precious person sad, you feel your heart crumble. I think that's what happened.

I took a closer look at the mass of unidentified emotion and finally understood what it was.

I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you

It's love.

"I've got it!" I shouted before running out of the Great Hall and to the direction of Gryffindor tower. I know you'd want to be in a "safe" place so I decided to go there first but on my way there I heard some heart wrenching sobs from one of the unused classrooms.

I opened the door quietly and gripped the door handle tightly as I saw your form on the ground, shaking as you cried. I tiptoed over to you and sat down next to you before putting my arms around your shoulders.

Your head snapped up and your beautiful green eyes were red and puffy. You wiped away your tears and glared at me. ¤"What are you doing here? Did you come to mock me some more?"

I shrugged. What could I say to that? That I just realised I was in love with you? Yeah, right, you'd slap me and shout at me for "telling horrible lies" and being an "insensitive prat". "I came to see if you were alright."

Your glare intensified. "Alright? Alright?! How would I be "alright" when I just found out my parents died in a Death Eater raid done on the muggle world and that my sister blames me because they were getting me my graduation present?! Now let me go and leave me alone!"

"No," I shook my head. I know how it felt when your parents die. At first I cried, then, because I was feeling so alone I tried to kill myself but thanks to Sirius (who found me and refused to leave me alone after that) I pulled it through. I'm still grieving and I miss my mum's energetic letter and dad's gentle advices, sure, but I'm not so lonely anymore.

"Lemme go! Lemme go! You pigheaded, insensitive son of a one eyed thestral! Lemme go…! you screamed at the same time as you pounded my chest with your fists. Eventually you began to cry again, hands fisting my robe.

"Please… don't leave me alone…"

"Shh… I'm not leaving," I whispered to your hair.

I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear

That's how we sat there for many hours, not really minding that we missed all the classes today, me talking about my life and how I missed my parents, her listening and every once in a while crying.

While I talked I thought about my life and came to a startling conclusion: ever since I saw Lily Evans on Hogwarts Express near seven years ago my life had spun around her and getting her attention, any way possible.

I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is You

and the reason is You

and the reason is You

and the reason is You

"Are you feeling better?" I asked when you hadn't cried for over an hour.

"Yes, thank you," you sniffed and buried your head deeper to my chest there was a silence. "Why did you do this? Why did you use your day to make sure I wasn't alone?"

"I did a lot of thinking over breakfast," I answered and shifted uncomfortably. "For a long time I've had these weird feelings for you and I finally understood I was in love with you. Before, when I… made fun… of you I didn't know why I wanted you to look at me… for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

I'm not a perfect person  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know

You pulled away and looked at me in the eyes, searching for something. When you found what ever you were looking for you leaned closer and pressed you lips to mine.

At first I didn't move, afraid I'd scare you away if I did but after a while I put some more pressure on your lips and kissed back.

It was really sweet for a first kiss. All the girls I've kissed before were all too eager and used their tongues in first kisses. Even though many believed I'm in it only for sex, it's not true. I like to take things slow, and looks like you do too. I've found my perfect partner.

"Lily Evans," I huffed as we parted. "Will you go on a date with me?"

I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you

Your eyes spoke louder than your smile as you kissed me again. "Yes James Potter, I'll go on a date with you!"

"HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF MERLIN!" was shouted from the door. My head whipped there and my eyes went wide as dinner plates. There stood the rest of the Marauders, Alice Prewett and your other two friends, staring at us like we had three heads. We stared at each other for a long while before I got up and offered to help you up, smiling all the time. You took my hand and the smile on your face warmed up my heart.

"Prongs, dude, I've been looking for you for the whole fucking day and when I finally find you, you're snoging the girl the whole fucking Hogwarts thought you hated! Explain!"

Sirius can be such an arse, I thought as I walked to them. I slapped him on the back of his head. "Shut up, moron." I turned back to you. "Do you want to go on a walk?"

You smiled again. "Sure."

I grinned. I've found my reason for living.

I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you

"PRONGS! WHEN I GET MY FUCKING HANDS ON YOU YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!"

I grinned some more and whispered to you: "I wonder if Moony told him his hair's green with silver streaks?"

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A/N: I was listening to this song (The Reason from Hoobstank) when this idea hit me…

R&R! ^.^


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